I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
