So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
