Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
