"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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