if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
