So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
soo... how was my night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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