I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
