If that was your dad, he is hot
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
