OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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