I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize