I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
