If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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