I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
