Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
