take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
