my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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