yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He did a backflip because drugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
