what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
