did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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