there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
