Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
