I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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