Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize