no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
