he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
