This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The feeling are messing with the penis
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
