____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
