ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
