dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
