I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
