how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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