I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
