he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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