this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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