I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
