So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
