This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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