I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
