so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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