I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
