Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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