did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize