Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
