I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize