I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
