omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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