hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
