YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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