No, you can still breathe under the balls.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize