so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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