Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
