3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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