Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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