Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
