I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize