Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
