There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
