i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
