just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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