i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
