My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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