her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i drank out of a bidet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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