my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
