apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
