I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
