lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
