Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize