This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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