So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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